I just realized that one of my favorite Gilmore Girls scenes is about interpretive writing. I need a life. And friends. Maybe a hobby…

Gilmore Girls, Season 5 Episode 3 – “Written in the Stars”

(In Sniffy’s Tavern)

LORELAI: I love this place.

LUKE: It’s a great place – very old.

LORELAI: How long have they owned it?

LUKE: Actually, the story of that is on the back of the menu.

LORELAI: Oh, cool. [flips over the menu and clears throat] Oh, look — “Sniffy’s Tavern: A story of love.” Oh, a story of love. “Maisy Fortner and Bertram ‘Buddy’ Linds met at a high-school basketball game. She was playing, he was not. They fell in love, got married. Buddy went to work at a dairy, and Maisy worked at the school, but they dreamed to someday own a restaurant so that all of their friends and family could come and eat and visit and laugh with them every single day.”

LUKE: Buddy hated working at that dairy.

LORELAI: [continues to read] “One day Sniffy, their beloved dog, ran away. Maisy and Buddy searched high and low for him. Finally they stumbled past a dilapidated old tavern that had been boarded up for years. They heard a dog howling. They forced open the door, and there was Sniffy, stuck underneath a fallen beam. Maisy and Buddy pulled Sniffy free and rushed him to the vet, where he immediately went into emergency surgery.” Oh my God, did Paul Thomas Anderson write this? Edit, people.

LUKE: You don’t have to read the whole thing. There’s not gonna be a quiz.

LORELAI: I’m almost done. [continues reading] “Four hours later… Sniffy was dead.” Sniffy was dead?! Are you serious? Where’s the happy ending?

LUKE: Well, that’s what happened.

LORELAI: Well, people don’t read the back of the menu to find out what really happened. They read the back of the menu to be happy, to be uplifted. That’s why they read the back of the menu.

LUKE: Not that many people read the back of the menu.